Sunday, 30 December 2007; 12:11 AM
Dang.. I cant wait for school reopen.
At the same time, I dread school reopen.
When school reopens, I'll have to accept that he's already gone.
But I'll get new classmates.
If he were to stay, we would have been same class classmates. Dang. Den I won't take BSP.
But he left.
Me here alone.
Somehow, the murdur-fooging results just won't come out. Narbuay.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Sian la.
Homework? Dang. I sleep more important.
In life, luxuries are eat, sleep and play.
Homework is secondary.
Stomachache =(
Pain pain pain.
Anyway, is anyone interested in buying a PSP fat? I'm selling a second hand one for $210. If you guys interested, I'm willing to sell to you guys at as low as $200. T & C apply. please email me to ask. Lols.
I only accept cash.
Thursday, 27 December 2007; 3:51 PM
这就是此刻的心情。
不能面对你，更加不能面对自己。
恐惧。害怕。担忧。兴奋。
爱。还在吗?
明年就各分东西了。
在这个时候，我不想分开。
你还爱我吗？
走了。越走越远。
我怕，但我会好好过的，被担心。
离开的那一刹那，我绝对不会落泪。
我不会再为你哭了。
老实告诉你吧！昨晚我一直没法入睡。
昨晚，我和另一个男生聊电话。
不，准确来说，应该是另一个男人。21岁的laoahpek，
有时，我宁愿你不是到我内心深处的感觉。因为在心里对你说的每一句话，句句都很残忍。
若你知道，我无法想象你对我的失望。
然而，有时我却渴望你能懂得我对你的看法。
你的自尊心很大，所以我不敢说，怕伤害你。
不伤害你，就自己扛吧！
反正也不是第一次了。
你老实说我没有告诉你你的过错。
有些事就是开不了口。
我心中的思索，到处到找得到。
从前的日记，天天都有写，而且都有让你天天看，天天带回家。
你就是不读。
现在的博克，几乎2至3天就会update一次，公开给大家看。
你就是不读。
我觉得不值。我怎么老是被你骂。
老是让你害怕。
昨天，你告诉我，我害你与家人疏远。
对不起。
我的错...
但你不是自愿的吗？
给不了的，不要承诺。
"Peiwoon, I've been a bad boyfriend. I'm sorry. I'm always negleting you. Sorry. I will change. I promise. I promise to change and be a better boyfriend. Sorry. I love you. "
这句话，你说了几次？
说得我都会背了。
一个掌永远排不响的。
我不会让你把责任推到我身上，所以请你搞清楚。
还能回到过去吗？
当时，没有泪水，没有冲突。
有的只是我和你。
和许许多多的欢乐。
Tuesday, 25 December 2007; 2:46 AM
Innocence by Avril Lavigne.
Really like this song.
Lyrics included. Do listen to it lols.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Christmas is sad.
Cos there are no taggers at my blog =(
Nevermind. No. Not that reason. I was just seeking attention lols.
The real reason is : cos its boring.
yeah... real boring...
1. no plans.
2. homework completely untouched
3. fear of christmas ending and going back to training.
4. i facing the walls (no the computer even) at home alone.
5. tv programmes are boring.
Christmas is sad.
No party --> although I attended one today ha ha.
And the party are not as fun as before
Because I'm no longer a child.
Okay. After this Christmas, I'm gonna act like a child every Christmas. Cos it makes me happy.
Until I get married and have a child, then I'll stop acting like a child.
That day won't ever come. I guess.
Boring Christmas makes me wanna cry -- again.
Emo these days yeah??
Okay, my Christmas started off boring, so I'll complete it boring.
Let's see the amount of homework I have left.
1.阅读报告（1）
2.阅读报告（2）
3.11月剪报
4.12月剪报
5.电影观后感
6. mamashop homework
*Editted
7. Ace learning Post Holiday Quiz
8. Ace Learning Trigo Quiz
Guess what! I haven't finished my mamashop homework.
I ponned the last 2 lesson.
And the last 3rd lesson I went without doing homework.
Which means to say, point number 6 has got 6 assignments.
How to enjoy Christmas.
But serves me right. I enjoyed my whole holiday
My foot. I didn't even go on holiday.
Bullshit.
6a. Week 4 assignment (a)
6b. Week 4 assignment (b)
6c. Week 5 assignment (a)
6d. Week 5 assignment (b)
6e. Week 6 assignment (a)
6f. Week 6 assignment (b)
Tomorrow I will start on homework.
I will finish the whole list of 1 to 5.
Believe it or not?
I don't....
LOLS i'm jus bullshitting.
But if I do finish, I'm gonna reward myself with $50 cash for shopping.
Muhahahaahha. Jealous?
Dunneed to me. I won't get it. =(
Sunday, 23 December 2007; 9:05 PM
Sometimes, I rather reality don't exist.
Please tell me, reality doesn't exist.
One dream - made me understand that you can't have to cake and eat it at the same.
Last night, I dreamt of dad.
I dream that, he was gonna die.
It was because of some illness. Then, he was gonna die soon.
But since he was diagnosed from the 'about to die' illness, he started becoming very nice. He somehow brought me to many places... Treated me to good enjoyment and food. Then, for the first time in my life, I had a talk with him. A real talk.
All the enjoyment went on for about one month. Then one day, he told me that it was the day he was going to die.
He said "纹，我要去医院复诊了。我约好时间要去。”
我便回答：“为什么还要去？都知道不能治了，去了还不是浪费时间？”
他却出乎我的意料之外的回答（毕竟是梦境嘛...)：“不可以...讲好的就一定要去我的appointment”。
我问：“你是不是去了就会死？”
“是。”
“你不要死可以吗？”（不知道为什么我会阻止，可能是哪一个多月的相处，让我发现我爱我爸爸）
“不可以啦...我还会向你们的，但我一定要走，我出门了。拜拜！”
“不....."
Then I woke up.
The moment I woke up, I burst into tears.
Maybe the dream didn't give me enough time to react and start crying yet lols.
This dream gave me a month of dad's love, but then a loss forever.
Reality gives me a lifetime of dad, but no fatherly love.
In my dream, I probably cried because he was going to die that day. So when I first woke up and cry, it was probably because of my dad going to die and that dream that felt so real.
But as my mind became clearer and I knew what was happening, I still cried. I cried because I knew that I would never know my dad as well as I knew him in my dream.
I cried because, in my dream, he was the perfect dad.
In reality, he was a betrayer. He betrayed my mother, he betrayed me. He betrayed this family of three.
In reality, I cried because this would never be possible.
He had a heart of stone.
Yet I portrayed him as someone with heart of gold in my dreams.
He was evil.
But I portrayed him nice.
In reality, I would never cry for him. No matter what dire straits he fall into.
In my dream, I did.
I feel like a loser.
I actually feel that I 'lost' my dad.
I should just wake up yeah?
I never had one.
Pain in heart.
Why did I have such a dream.
Of such a worthless guy.
While she's typing her post, she's crying.
she's crying. she knows why. But she won't bear to make herself admit it.
http://duntellwen.blogspot.com
; 12:40 AM
I'm scared.
I'm scared of myself, most of all.
I'm emo-ing, so ignore the post if you're those kinda 'ohh bitch. stop ranting and spoiling the blogosphere.'
Fuck off baby.... I dun wanna join blogosphere. I just wanna blog.
I didn't quite feel this at first, but at school is going to reopen soon, I'll starting to feel this more.
I feel fear.
Reasons why I fear:
1. Next year's classmates. I'm just afraid. They're gonna be my classmates for the next two years... What if I cannot get along with them? What if they hate me? What if I end up suffering the next two years again?
2. Season is coming. What if I under perform? What if I dun improve? What if I am the main reason why my team lost. What if I caused many points?
3. School + Season = missing alot of lessons. What if I cannot catch up after the season? What if my results end up like shit.
4. No more tuition, since I somehow fought with my tutor, so this adds on to the fear is 3.
5. My harnee is leaving for NJC already. && I cannot display the fear and loss without him by my side because he's also afraid, so all the more I shouldn't add on to the fear of his new environment.
6. School's gonna start, and I haven't started on any homework.
Somehow, I've been eating this darn unhealthy way of life these days. && I seriously suspect it may be because of psychological reasons. Okay, let's just say this. I don't like the way I'm feeling empty. I must be full. Like, for example after lunch. It's around 3pm and I'm not hungry. But my stomach tells me I'm not full. And then it gives me the idea that I am empty and I need to eat. If I refuse to eat anything, then I would suddenly feel very scared. Scared of feeling empty. It doesn't make my stomach feel empty only. My whole body feels empty. Then, to withdraw the emptiness, fear fills in. Then I will cry. So as to make myself feel better, I'll eat. I'll eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. The more junky the food is, the happier I feel.
I'm scared.
Scared.
Very Scared.
I'm in need of chocolates.
French fries.
Sweets.
Famous Amos cookies.
Sweet Talk.
junk.
Crying doesnt help.
Wednesday, 19 December 2007; 10:16 PM
I'm blogging.
Christmas.
I used to think that Christmas was a fun affair
It had been. Not till I got older.
A lonely Christmas makes me wanna cry.
Shit. I really don't know what to blog about.
After all, I've got a feeling im bloggin for the sake of blogging.
Just emo.
Sigh.
Realised that my posts are getting short and short as time goes on?
Yeah. I jus wanna cry.
Anyway, i recently bought a very pretty heels from Ebay. Lols.
S$8.00 only.
Ebay rocks man.
Okay, nothing else to say. I'm bored.
Saturday, 8 December 2007; 7:18 PM
GRAND ANNOUNCEMENT
I changed my phone
Lols
Went with my daddy to Comfort Family Day Roadshow! I changed my number!
Super nice number
But duntellu... muhahahahha
Pictures X=
This is my beautiful new phone. Check out the shiny surface. Its fully stainless steel.
Nokia 6500 Slide. Darn cool!
Paid only $168. By Daddy.
And after buying phone, got lucky draw.
And I drew a box of bird nest. BIrd nests' number is 4.
Darn sway i tell you.
I took out the 4 already, then i placed on the top of the draw box. I SAW it was 4, but then I put in on the top of the box, it was closed down. I wanted to flip it up, but somehow the person holding the box moved the box. So it hit my hand, and the number 4 chip fell back in.
No more Birds Nests.
But I argued with the guys there that it was really 4.
( && I didn't know 4 was birds nests.)
Den I drew another 7.
Den dunno why the guys there decided to be nice and give me 4.
They say, "Okay lo. We trust u. Since we keep seeing 7 so sian already."
Oh and fuck. i got my birds nest! Yay!! Muhahaha
and the guy holding the box was also darn cute!
Okay, this is simple! I got free bluetooth handset with my phone, but my daddy's koping it from me =(
Yay! I love my phone! WHEEEEE
; 7:01 PM
&& I really miss him.
<3
Friday, 7 December 2007; 8:14 PM
When are you coming back?
miss you miss you miss you you you you you..
Come back soon yeah babe!
and yes, I'm getting a new phone TOMORROW LOL surprise isn't it?
YAY!
Saturday, 1 December 2007; 11:26 PM
Yeah, imagine that long long ago, I said we broke up when it was our day38.
I Love You.
Qiaorou.
; 4:14 PM