Saturday, 28 July 2007; 9:30 AM
to CHAMEH or not to CHAMEH?
Actually, whether or not i am chairperson, it doesn't matter. I have long gotten used to the term 'chameh' and a form or addressing 'peiwoon' and not the 'chairperson of 2I'. So who cares? Chameh is merely a form of address towards peiwoon, like sonjia said.
therefore, i have decided that i'm NOT gonna remove that '(aka) chameh' from my blog profile. Yeah!
ppl from other classes, in case u didn't know, i am no longer chairperson already. i would.
ppl from my class: i would still welcome u to call me chameh if you want la! cos it doesn't really matter lehh. JUST
Ohh anyway, i wrote the rap song for Terence's new album. Lol yay!
Laming around.
Tata! Getting rdy for tuition...
& people, my life DOESN'T suck okay?
i .really.really.really.really. love my teachers.
between the lines, I hate MRS WOON
<3
[wen][squared]
Tuesday, 24 July 2007; 7:19 PM
Don't Matter
Oh
Ohoohwooe
Oooh
Ooohhwooe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
Oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
We gon' fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
Nobody thought we'd last forever
I feel I'm hopin' and prayin'
Things between us gon' get better
Men steady comin' after you
Women steady comin' after me
Seem like everybody wanna go for self
And don't wanna respect boundaries
Tellin' you all those lies
Just to get on your side
But I must admit there was a couple secrets
I held inside
But just know that I tried
To always apologize
And I'ma have you first always in my heart
To keep you satisfied
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
Oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
We gon' fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Got every right to wanna leave
Got every right to wanna go
Got every right to hit the road
And never talk to me no more
You don't even have to call
Even check for me at all
Because the way I been actin' lately
Has been off the wall
Especially toward you
Puttin' girls before you
And they watchin' everything I been doin'
Just to hurt you
Most of it just ain't you
Ain't true
And they won't show you
How much of a queen you are to me
And why I love you baby
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
Oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
We gon' fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Oh oh oh oh oh
Cause I got you
Cause I got you
Ooooh
Cause I got you babe
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
Oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
We gon' fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
Oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
We gon' fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Saturday, 21 July 2007; 9:57 PM
You Are Really Not Happy |
 You may have noticed that things aren't going too well for you lately. Your life never used to be like this, but it seems like happiness is slipping away from you. You definitely need a change, because whatever you have going on isn't working. It's time for you to shake things up - even if it means totally changing your life path. |
Your Worry Factor is 76% |
 The amount you worry is definitely borderline unhealthy. Even when things are going well, you find yourself fixating on the negatives. Try to remember the times you've been able to let your worries go. If you can do that again, you'll be much happier! |
Your Mind is 82% Cluttered |
 Your mind is incredibly cluttered. You have so much going on in there, it's hard to think straight. Consider talking to a therapist. It's a good idea to sort through your thoughts, if only to see which ones are worth hanging on to. |
You Are a Night Person |
 For you, there's nothing worse than having to get up and moving early. In fact, you probably don't hit your peak until well after the sun has set. So if your struggling to make it on a normal schedule, realize it's not your fault. You just weren't meant to do anything during the day! |
You are 80% Pisces |
 |
Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman |
 Inside you've got the passion and ideals of a teenager And your intensity for life is what attracts most of the men you date You also like to party - and quite often you're the life of the party You've brought the best of your younger years with you... at least most of the time. |
Your True Love Is a Gemini |
 Why you'll love a Gemini: Witty and sharp, a Gemini can keep up with your fast (and ever changing) mind. You're both fun loving and free spirits. You and a Gemini can enjoy each other without expectations. Why a Gemini will love you: Not only can you keep up with a Gemini's sharp tongue, you can introduce a challenge or two... You're appetite for fun and novelty will keep a Gemini interested - at least for a bit longer than usual! |
You Are 17 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
; 3:50 PM
I am happier now.
only problem is, now i have to guaiguai-ly abide by the rules of the school.
cos, someone else will catch me.
who cares?
sigh. my nails would be gone by this coming thursday. i'm sad =(
but nevermind nails would come back.
leadership too.
one day, i'll take up another leadership position.
when i'm all changed and ready.
wait for my comeback =)
just back from tuition.
each week i look forward to weekends.
cos there's tuition.
and i enjoy tuition.
probably tuition makes me feel smarter than i am in school.
tuition rocks!
EOY class chalet.
sigh. too bad i can't stay overnight.
but i'd definately support whoever is organising.
i'd be willing to cooperate and help.
cant wait for class chalet.
oh anyway people.
I wasn't sacked from my position.
I resigned from the shitty way of what she expected from me and still expects me to apologise to the class and shitted me out of everything when I felt bad enough.
Camp.
really enjoyable.
loved the swimming activity. especially the oragne board.
scavanger hunt.
we set the record.
13minutes.
first in Section C.
I almost thought that we would win.
Beause the best groups of section A and B and 7 and 11 respectively.
So I thought 7 + 11 would give us 18.
And the description matched when the prize presenter read it out.
Who knew? GROUP 23 WON!
Congratulations.
Even thought we didnt win, I enjoyed myself.
Okay people, today's post was because of the requests I had from you guys.
I didnt feel like posting for some time.
I've been reading Xiaxue's blog.
If you're bored go to hers then.
My blog is so boring.
Okay, byebye!
http://xiaxue.blogspot.com
Friday, 13 July 2007; 6:42 PM
1. Install myself with the idea that cutting is bad.
2. Uninstall suicidal thoughts.
3. Get used to Ethel as new chairperson
4. Making good girlfriends(at least one?)
5. Smile, even when faking it, making it look real.
10 things I want to achieve by end of next month:
1. Swim at least twice a week.
2. Train up on back and get back on training.
3. Get rid of painkiller addiction. Okay, maybe not addiction.
4. Save money to buy stuff!
5. Help one of my friends from eternal sufferrings - myself too.
6. Learning to be happy.
7. Get back stamina.
8. Convince myself I love studying and really want am motivated to study.
9. Learn to be independant.
10. Make my posts more interesting.
MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT
I made a public apology.
Really, did I?
I felt that it was just a form of like, 交待, and not apology.
I hope she'll get it right.
I went up to make a "public apology" because she told me to do so.
I was just filling in my classmates with information.
Don't make me feel like a sinner.
Where were you last year when I was slogging for the class. Where were you when our class needed your presence? Where were you when I tried to look for you when I couldn't find the other her
Oh, so you think you're great?
So great, why not don't have any chairperson for 2I? YOu do everything yourself?
Yes, so what if you're reading this post?
Do I give a damn. u tink i give a big fuck?
Excuse me, it was ME who contributed to this class of yours okay?
No wonder people say better not be a leader.
Even teachers are unreasonable.
When you do something good, they dun fucking appriciate.
When you make a minor error, they make it seem like a BIG MISTAKE.
If I was in the wrong, you're in a bigger wrong.
I'm not trying to clain credit here, but you have no rights to blame me for this.
I didn't want this to happen.
You think being me is easy?
"Of course, YOu just worry about your studies"
Yeah, you're so damned right.
Try being me yeah, physically 14 but mentally needed to be at least 16.
I have more worries than I should have as a 14 year old girl, and you're here coming to kbkp me.
ENOUGH
of her for now.Now I understand why two of out for the so-called 'lonely-four' dislikes them.
Yeah, people, on 13July2007, Friday, I, Chia Pei Woon of Class 2I has officially stepped down from position chairperson.
As of 16July2007, Monday, Ethel Huang Hui Fen would officially replace me as a chairperson.
People, give her your support... WEETS!
&& I've decided that I'm gonna hate painkillers, even though i'm kinda dependent on them, I'll get rid of them, SOON.
& guys, I'll take care of myself and smile always.
Even thought life can be hard, I'd show that I'm no different from any of you.
I'd own u.
Jus kidding lolz.
Wenwen
Monday, 9 July 2007; 4:41 PM
Aching. really aching
i'm exhausted. Up here. I'm tired, and down there, i'm aching.
pls don't tink in the wrong way.
I meant up: brain down: heart.
it's exhasting to be me.
i think too much.
what bomao, zhirong & ss says.
i wished i could think less.
tis afternoon, on the bus, i sat there thinkin: am i depressed?
lol.
anyway, i still think human interaction is so much of a hassle.
see, today we had our first chemistry lesson.
we got a nicenice tcher, but he's gonna leave by end of this week.
get what i mean? What's the point now? after all, one week later, he'd leave. & i'd hae to learn to interact with another tcher.
im tired.
what can motivate me.
im gd for nothing.
probably only thing i can do is to study.
i can, if i want.
i can do well, if i want.
now, i'm good at nothing else.
jus a very simple example.
recently, i went to my cousin's house to celebrate her birthday.
two of my cousins had their common topic: music.
did i have a share to speak?
during cca, others gain a better chance.
they can train.
i cannot.
during school hours, other get to talk to their friends.
they get to talk about how this gal bitch-ed her yesterday and how buay song she was.
i couldn't.
im bottling up more and more things inside me.
noticed that i've been trying very hard not to attract any more attention?
i wished i was a normal teenager who has frens to gossip wif.
normal girlfriend.
im always called THE FLIRT.
Why?
What's the big problem with having more boyfriends.
[male friends]
i jus merely don't click wif gals.
i cant talk to gals.
what i can share with boys, i cant share them wif girls.
what i cannot share with boys, i cant share with girls either.
it's not i'm trying to flirt.
it's not that i'm trying to attraction.
i've been trying to get rid of attention i have.
ppl come ask me, "why dunwan be chairperson?"
i'd usually jus shrug and aviod that question.
conversations initiated, i try to answer and leave quickly.
im now stuck between nowhere.
there's nobody i can talk to.
girlfriends, untrustable.
boyfriends, cannot have too many.
steady, too busy.
lesbians, forgotten about me.
my dear, ignoring me.
family, i cant share.
Somebody, teach me what to do.
last time, when i was bottling up, i'd jus go take a volleyball and keep spiking.
now, what can i do?
i cant spike with force already.
where can i exert my anger and feeling now?
nowhere.
nowhere at all.
zhirong told me, "don't be so antisocial"
i asked, "how?"
wanna know what i'm thinking?
one statement.
"THANKS FOR BEING BUSY WHEN I NEEDED TO TALK TO YOU."
So many things I said for so many times.
& you'd jus come back and ask me the question again.
All the answers to your questions are given in my everyday conversations.
You just don't bother.
YOu don't bother to listen, then I don't bother to speak.
Okay, thanks for bothering to listen.
Sunday, 8 July 2007; 9:58 PM
1. Handphone incident.
2. Joanne Chong.
3. Tuition
Thursday, 5 July 2007; 8:56 PM
I'm tired.
I'm sick.
Whatever.
Hey guys, tomorrow I won't be in school early in the morning.
I'll be sufferring under the hands of the physio-therapist.
Don't worry, i'm not like in the hospital cos like, i tried ending my life.
I'm merely unhappy with what's AROUND me.
I won't take it upon myself. WHY AM I STILL LYING?
I wished I could stop lying.
I wished I could believe in myself that I enjoy life.
I tried to convince myself that I enjoy lessons.
I tried to convince myself that ... everything.
Dun worry, tomorrow's hospital trip is nothing.
Just an exercise.
I wished I was at, world's end.No, probably,
At world's end, no tears, no smiles, no wounds, no recoveries, no failures, no successes.
Most of all, at world's end, NO HUMAN INTERACTION
Yesterday, I went home with LiXuan on 61.
We noticed that the chair is really in poor condition.
The next thing she noticed was that, I quitened down.
Indeed, I have changed.
I used to be that cheerful girl.
No matter how sad I was, I'd still go on talking and talking..
Now, i hate human interaction
I hate talking to other people.
I dislike school.
Talking such a chore.
I used to say: You can make me do anything, but you cannot stop me from talking.
Now I would say: I would do anything you say, just get over and done with and stop having any form of interaction with me.
Sometimes, I really hate the fact that nobody understand me, not even myself.
Other times, I find it better that nobody understands me.
kNoW mE nOt.
Monday, 2 July 2007; 10:25 AM
ONLY applicable to 2I ppl.
Okay, next.
First thing in the morning. I saw sth that I wouldn't wanna see.
I shall not think too much or inteprete their actions that much.
They just don't like me.
They just think i'm acting it out
I said I won't think.
I shall blog about something else.
Last night, my buddy messaged me:
"My brother just died in a car accident."
Then, I was doing my back exercises.
I stopped and thought.
Life is so breakable.
I thought:
An impact of a car/motorcycle put on the meat of human beings.
That's it.
The body deciedes to bleed.
The lungs decides to stop functioning.
The spirit decides to give up.
That's it.
I'm beginning to doubt myself. WHY don't I treasure my life?
After all, so what if people sooner or later die?
Perhaps my buddy's brother didn't want to die.
WHo knows?
Nobody asked for permission to take away his life.
And then, he's gone.
Now, why do I give away the permission to take away my life.
Maybe, I really should learn to take control of my own life.
I should learn to be more decisive.
I should learn to live
In fact, nobody know when you'd die.
I've decided to rejoice after every second passes
After all, I might not know.
Suddenly, I was on a streets
Who know? A motorcycle might just zoom pass.
& that's gonna be the end.
Since now I don't face any motorcycles on the streets.
Or any other potential death incidents.
I should start rejoicing!
HORRAY
But one last thing not to rejoice about.
"How I made a difference?"
Please tell me this post changed your life.
ANd I made a difference.
LOL.
Just joking.
I shall start cracking my brains for "How I made a difference"
Please celebrate that you're still alive.
HORRAY
Sunday, 1 July 2007; 10:01 AM
Or I would say, this morning, around 1am.
Teachers are really nice. They really care about me.
It's okay I'd cope thanks teachers!
I failed him once and again.
I promised not to do something really really bad, but I eventually did.
I broke his heart.
I hurt his feelings.
I lost his trust.
We both initially agreed on, "let's be friends" and hung up on the phone.
That moment, before he hung up, he told me, "Don't cry. I'll call you later."
I told him, "It's difficult, but I'd try."
After we hung up, I broke down.
Here are my many many thoughts during that cry:
1.
Many people tell me, "Oh peiwoon, you're so lucky to have him as your boyfriend. He's so sweet to you."
I tried to convince myself he IS sweet to me.
Being in a Secondary School sucks big time.
Being in a Secondary School like mine sucks all the time.
All of the time, used up, only at one thing.
You either study or date.
You can't have the cake and eat it.
Either this or that.
We're in different modes.
He's in the studying mode, i'm in the dating mode.
That's how it becomes difficult for me to talk to him.
2.
I never understood his problems.
He never understood why he was so busy.
We came to a conclusion that we was actually avioding me.
One of my msn contacts suddenly signed in just now.
Her nickname was "what a cruel truth"
Indeed, what a cruel truth.
Between homework and I, I lost.
=D
3.
It's been many days since I thought of many pessimistic matters.
I thought "Nothing in the world lasts. Friends don't last, Love doens't last. Money doesn't last. Time doesn't last.Memorise don't last. Lastly, life doesn't last. Nothing lasts eventually.
I thought "Since nothing in this world lasts, why bother working so hard. You may have all the wits in the world. So what? At the end of the day, you STILL have to die and you STILL return to ashes."
I thought "Let me just rot to death. Since we're gonna all die, don't bother working so hard. Life has no meaning."
I thought "Just rot"
4.
What's done can no longer be undone.
But the problem is that I still love him.
How I wished I didn't do any of THAT.
5.
After he left, there's only gonna be one friend left in the world there for me.
So, I just cried on.
My pathatic one friend called me after that.
Then, suddenly, he called my friend and it became a conversation.
I couldn't take it and I hung up.
Around 2am I spoke wif my friend. That best buddy of mine.
In the midst of it, I was starting to feel breathless.
My buddy could tell, but I denied it.
Suddenly, he called my handphone.
He told me how disappointed he was in me.
How I hurt him once and again.
Den my breathlessness increased.
I told the both of them, I'd call them back later.
I really couldn't breathe.
About 5minutes later, he called.
We spoke.
Initially, during that 5minutes break, my breath was more smooth.
As we spoke on, the conversation got more intense, I really couldn't breathe.
I felt like i was gonna die.
He could tell.
He told me to stop.
He told me to breathe.
All our conversation stopped.
I used my inhaler.
I breathed, walked around the house.
From there, I could really tell he cared.
But I wondered, out of love or out of pity?
We spent about half an hour of him talking, and he listening me breathe.
Lol yeah he listened to my breath.
He spoke, I messaged.
Finally, I messaged him, "Shall we sleep?"
He didn't want, but I urged him into it.
My buddy eventually pangseh me.
Fell asleep before I could talk about my troubles.
I slept. 4am sharp, imaginating he was just beside me.
I woke up at 8.20am, being relieved that I was able to breathe properly.
9.35am, I call him. He told me to wake him up.
He nicenice-ly decided to spend some time with me.
Some deserving for our friendship.
He told me he felt neutual already.
I didn't hate me for backstabbing me. He said he didn't bear to.
And I knew, he couldn't love me anymore.
He said he wouldn't leave me.
Because he knew my world would crash if he did.
I denied it.
But, no matter how much I try to deny, facts are still facts.
My world would crash if he left me.
I'm still too dependant on him.
But I pondered over it.
Did he say it, our of love or out of pity?